Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
