I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize