You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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