so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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