A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
