"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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