Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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