dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
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You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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