Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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