Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
