So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
