apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
