I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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