I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
50% drunk capacity currently
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
