I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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