Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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