You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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