where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
