Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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