She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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