If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
