someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
