It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
