My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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