just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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