we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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