2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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