Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
