So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
