his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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