i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
