Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
