So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
