i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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