im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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