You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
