Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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