I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
