You're so nebulous sometimes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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