She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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