I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
