On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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