covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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