I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
