Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
