I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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