question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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