how can u be prego again
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
