just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
