This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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