So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
