I'm sorry my penis didn't work
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.