matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk